Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Regaining Faith

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged about manifesting. Part of it has been because I’ve fallen into a mundane rut and putting out asks to the universe has seemed more of a chore. But I always have to put out asks to the universe (through my spirit team) because I see the results of when I don’t. Things don’t flow as easily. That’s good for me to witness because it reminds me of the power of manifesting.

Another reason I’ve stopped is because I’ve felt disgruntled. There are so many changes that the universe has to take care of right now that my once quick delivery has fallen to a crawl. I've felt that my asks haven’t gotten the same result that I’m used to. There are several reasons as to why this is so and far beyond the length of a blog to go into any detail. Feeling like my manifesting results have slowed has cause me to feel disillusioned. I've struggled to keep my faith. More often, I've been feeling pissed. Add to that, I’ve been in a financial crunch. My cash flow has been haphazard at best. For quick cash I’ve been selling my belongings. And in selling these items I haven’t always gotten the price that I’ve wished. Part of that may be that I’ve been settling for the quick sell. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’ve been lugging around, for 4 moves, a portable easel. I had it in my head that I wanted to do outdoor painting only to find after a few lessons that I really didn’t have the patience for the medium. However, I went for quality when I purchased the easel and oil brushes; and I spent a pretty penny. Having spent so much money I didn’t want to toss the items. I held out for the “one day I might use them…” as to why I kept them. But I hadn’t used them in years. Being money strapped I decided it was time to let go and sell the items.

I listed the items on Craigslist for at least half of what I paid. I decided to do that based on their age though the items were barely used. I used the principal that used items, even slightly used ones decreased in value. In the ad I specified that the easel and brushes were of high-quality and that I’d even throw in oils and a palette brush. I thought saying I'd throw in extra items would make the ad more appealing - people like a deal afterall. I got a response in three days. The guy who responded wanted me to meet him in the city. Going into the city means a somewhat expensive bridge toll or a somewhat expensive subway ride. I didn’t have the cash to do it. The guy said he’d pay more for me to travel into the city. I agreed. He then stipulated that he had to have the palette brush and the paints and wanted to know how many I had. I told him I had 4 tubes of paint. All of this irked me because the guy seemed so focused on the paints that he missed the bigger picture of buying a 70 dollar (at least) easel and 70 dollars worth of (at least) oil brushes for $50 bucks. I told my spirit team (if the term "spirit team" seems unfamiliar, please see my earlier blog posts) I really didn’t want to sell to this guy. I wanted to find someone who appreciated the easel and brushes. After I emailed this guy back about the paints, or lack thereof, I didn’t hear from him again.

I had it in my head I wanted to sell to an art student because even if I had to lower the price, I felt an art student, not like the earlier jag, could appreciate my things. I listed the items again last week. I pondered on the wording of my first ad and realized that in saying, "I'll even throw in paints and a palette brush," gave the impression that I'd be accomodating to whomever responded; it was no wonder that a demanding person responded. In order to not duplicate that experience in the 2nd ad, I noted that I’d include the palette brush and paints but emphasized that what I was selling was a great value. Within three days I got a response. This time, the person was willing to meet me (rather than me come to him) but he couldn’t do it until the weekend. I agreed and let him know that I’d be willing to meet him halfway. Then rather meet him halfway I ended up agreeing to meet closer to his house. (Again, I put out the accomodating vibe). He told me that he’d let me know the time on Friday as when we’d meeting. I didn’t hear back from him. I waited all Sat., even called him and left a message but I got no response.

Now I was pissed. But in the back of my head I had an inkling that my spirit team had found a more appropriate person who fit my ask – one that could truly appreciate my items (and a person I didn't have to cater to). I didn’t check my email for two days. When I did I saw that Sat. evening a woman responded who was willing to pick up my items on Sunday and pay cash. “ARGH,” I railed at myself, why didn’t I check my email sooner. It was already Tuesday and perhaps she, not hearing back from me, already made another purchase. But rather than dwell in doubt, I held onto the principal that if this was indeed the right person for my items that I didn’t miss my opportunity. So I emailed and called the woman. I put out an ask that she respond to me within the hour. She called me back within the hour and we agreed on when we could meet that evening.

I think I mentioned a few times already I’m financially strapped and I’d been counting on the money from this sale for groceries, toothpaste and GAS. With her house located in the hills I pressed my luck to reach her on an almost empty gas tank. I got halfway and saw the flashing empty tank sign and had to accept that I couldn’t make it all the way up the hill. I had to turn around and take care of myself by heading down the hill to the nearest gas station to try to fill up the gas tank on the little I had. The little I had didn’t turn off the “empty” sign. I felt embarrassed because running out of gas, to me, made me a flake and what would this woman think of me?? I put my thoughts in check, put out an ask that she wouldn't think ill of me and called her to explain the situation. I asked her if she want to reschedule. Inwardly I hoped she'd be willing to come to the station. I don't recall if I actually asked her to come down but she offered to do it and I accepted, gratefully. I should note that when I originally called her, she was ready just to pay cash based on the photos and I said the items were high-quality. But I wanted her to look over the items first to make sure they were what she really wanted. “That’s only fair,” I said. She appreciated that. I don’t know if my act of fairness added into her willingness to meet me but it probably didn’t hurt either.

As I waited by my car, a raven flew into the tree near me. My spirit team often sends me ravens as a sign. If that wasn’t enough, I spotted three pennies on the ground. Finding money, as you probably know, is often a sign of money to come. The woman and the boyfriend pulled in. I showed them the easel and how it worked. The woman very much liked it. Then I gave her the paintbrushes. She could barely believe I used them they were in such great condition. "You really took care of them," she said. Then I gave her the paints and the palette brush. With the way her hands took in the items, I felt like Santa Claus bestowing a great gift. She paid me the cash and thanked me for following up with her and selling her the items. I told her, “No, really, thank you. You’ve been a dream." More like an answer to my ask.

I filled up my gas tank and whisked away to the store to buy toothpaste feeling elated. Sure, I had had to wait a bit for my spirit team to find the right person but the right person was worth the wait. And reminded me that we don’t always know what’s going on behind the curtain. This is when faith becomes so important. I had to remind myself that the first two respondents were false starts and when the right situation did come along, things are easy breezy – just like I was used to. :) I should also add that the universe gave me an opportuniy in a forcefull way to not bendover backwards to sell the items. I didn't have the gas to go up the hill but my caretaker nature (which I'm trying to reform) insisted I do it. Forced to accept I couldn't go to the person and that the person would have to come to me to get the items taught me a great lesson. The right person who valued the items would be willing to come to me. I didn't have to bend over backwards. She saw their value, and appreciated them. Just like I asked. And I felt my faith restored.

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